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What do you call a smart blonde?
A golden retriever.
What do you call two nuns and a blonde?
Two tight ends and a wide receiver.
What do you see when you look into a blonde's eyes?
The back of her head.
What do you get when you cross a blonde and a gorilla?
Who knows, there is only so much a gorilla can be forced to do...
What do you call a hooker and four blondes?
Regular price, four bucks, four bucks, four bucks, four bucks.
What do you call it when a blonde dies their hair brunette?
Artificial intelligence.
What do a blonde and your computer have in common?
You don't know how much either of them mean to you until they go down on you
What do you do when a blonde throws a hand grenade at you?
Pull the pin and throw it back.
woman says."if you do more around the house we could get rid of the maid" he says ..."if you took it up the arris we could get rid of the dog"!!!!!
Chinese man rings his boss "me no work i sick" boss says " when im sick i f##k my wife try that?".... 2 hrs later man rings boss back " me better, u got nice house"
COMPUTER JOKES
A blonde walked into a computer shop one day and asked the shop assistant for a curtain to fit her 15 inch computer monitor. The assistant said, "Why do you want a curtain for your computer screen?"
To which the blonde replies, "I've got Windows".
Why did the blonde have a long string on her tampons?
So the Crabs could go bungee jumping.
If a woman's uncomfortable watching you wank do you think...
a. You need more time together
b. She's a fucking prude
c. She should have sat elsewhere in the bus.
"Do you believe in life after death?" a boss asked one of his employees.
"Yes, sir," the employee replied.
"Well, then, that makes everything just fine," the boss went on. "After you left early yesterday to go to your grandmother's funeral, she stopped in to see you."
What's the difference between a condom and a coffin?
In one you come, and the other you go.
When did Pinocchio realise he wasn't a real boy, and that he was made out of wood?
When his hand caught on fire.
Two sharks are swimming in the North Sea. One says to the other "I am bloody sick of all this mackerel" the other replies, "Do you fancy nipping round to Morecombe Bay for a chinese?"
Did you hear about the nervous bank robber?
"Okay, you motherstickers, this is a fuck-up!"
A guy walks into the bedroom holding a glass of water and two asprins and says "Here honey!"
The wife looks at him and says "What's that for?"
Husband: "For your headache!"
Wife: "But I dont have a headache!"
Husband: "GOTCHA!"
Q: What is the difference between a kinky person and a pervert?
A: The kinky person uses a feather; the pervert uses the entire chicken.
There was once a young man who, in his youth, professed his desire to become a great writer.
When asked to define great, he said, "I want to write stuff that the whole world will read, stuff that people will react to on a truly emotional level, stuff that will make them scream, cry, howl in pain and anger!"
He now works for Microsoft writing error messages
A guy walks into the doctor's office. There is a banana stuck in one of his ears, a cucumber in the other ear, and a carrot stuck in one nostril.
The man says, "Doc, this is terrible. What's wrong with me?"
The doctor says, "Well, first of all, you need to eat more sensibly."
granny and grandad were sitting at the breakfast table.Granny says to Grandad ' Do you know my nipple are as hot for you as they were 50 years ago.' Grandad says ' I'm not fecking surprised ... one is in your coffee and the other is in your porridge.'
ALWAYS CONCENTRATE
WIFE: What would you do if I died? Would you get married again?
HUSBAND: Definitely not!
WIFE: Why not - don't you like being married?
HUSBAND: Of course I do.
WIFE: Then why wouldn't you remarry?
HUSBAND: Okay, I'd get married again.
WIFE: You would? (with a hurtful look on her face).
HUSBAND: (makes audible groan).
WIFE: Would you live in our house?
HUSBAND: Sure, it's a great house.
WIFE: Would you sleep with her in our bed?
HUSBAND: Where else would we sleep?
WIFE: Would you let her drive my car?
HUSBAND: Probably, it is almost new.
WIFE: Would you replace my pictures with hers?
HUSBAND: That would seem like the proper thing to do.
WIFE: Would she use my golf clubs?
HUSBAND: No, she's left-handed.
WIFE: - - silence - -
HUSBAND: F**k
A confused nine-year-old boy goes up to his mother and asks, "Is God male or
female?"
After thinking for a moment, his mother responds,” Well God is both male and
female."
This confuses the little boy, so he asks, "Is God black or white?"
"Well, God is both black and white."
This further confuses the boy so he asks, "Is God gay or straight?"
At this the mother is getting concerned, but answers nonetheless,
"Honey, God is both gay and straight."
At this the boy's face lights up with understanding and he triumphantly
asks...
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